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Just when I have it by heart: that hip-swell of hill curving into Barr na ghaoith, Top off the Wind; each rolled smooth stippled stone of Boatharbour and Drimmeen beach; the stormy head of bay at Ceann Dólainn its sandy flesh ripe peach in the warm afternoon light; a peak of forehead at Ard Mór from which at night we watch the double beat of syncopated Slyne Head pulse white among the grass green Northern lights; the Spectacles, two lochs flooded with sky, holding it's moon-blue light long past dusk darkening the bog hills around moulded by shadow and the scatter of rocks frosted with lichen slithering into fences. Just when I am caught into the web of seasons: strewn sunlight of gorse and smouldering purple haze of heather faded now under the burnished blaze of bracken as autumn rolls across the bog; the inward turning days; the sea holding its deep breath to bursting, highest tide of the year swelling over roads, leaving its thick clutter of honey-glazed weed.
Just when clean western gales graze my face, skin singing with salt in the dark star-flecked night, taking the sleeping children from car to bed after a night drenched in music and poems; the ocean whipped to craggy waves mimicking the jagged rocks frothing fluro-white at Carraig an Bhalbháin. Just when this thread of land into the Atlantic is woven into my dreams: this place of soft quiet where the empty hands of the starving built a harbour, eyes wet with loss for those dead or jammed into boats full of hope; their pearly tears flowing down the years making rich this place of full hearts and sweet words. Just when the filigree of family ties here splays open from my blood, ravelling into the mossy veins ribboning along through the dark peat; shadows in another land take form tugging on my twine of years tangled in that other place. The gift of leaving is to remember with you these names of place, rolling them on the tongue of memory, not clipped, not bitten out of language. The gift of leaving is to see this place as if for the last time, wrapped in the mist of longing, a snapshot for the album of dreams. The gift of leaving is to slip somewhere silent or sacred in the repossessed spells of the old ways, the shadow of my voice, fall of my step, so that bound by what is left behind, returning is assured, like all things unknown. Cover painting: 'The Road Home, Errislannan' Evelina Ann Hollins Kats (1936-1999)
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